Why I Dislike Human Resource Managers

Just who are you to tell me I am either under or over qualified for a position. Here I am with 30 years business experience, yet you choose some wet behind the ears newbie who has'nt got a clue over someone who obviously has less business savvy than the thimbleful you yourself have to offer!

Why don't you stick to finding a better insurance company and take care of the workers comp filings instead of thinking you are a good judge of character and employ-ability? How old are you anyhow? 24-25? Sitting there with that smug condescending demeanor. You make me want to bitch slap you as I sit here smiling at you. And playing this ridiculous game of subservience just about makes my want to vomit on your desk. And just how am I supposed to get you to pay attention to me as a viable candidate, when you obviously have your head up your ass wishing you were at home watching Oprah!

When was the last time you made a nickle for this company? Looks to me like you take up space and use up the fresh air, and that is about it. Do you think I give a flying flip that you have some paper degree on the wall that says you are some kind of professional? And to think I sit here knowing that I have to kiss your fat behind, knowing full well that you probably could'nt put together the annual Christmas party let alone determine if I have what it takes to fit within your personality contest.

Just let me talk to the boss. Someone who actually has a clue. Go back to filing your nails and let me get the hell out of here. I'm sick of your BS already. Yeah, I see you looking at the clock on the wall. What is it? Time to call the school principle because your kid just tagged the wall behind the gym? If you can't take care of your personal business, how can you possibly think you have the ability to determine if I can do the job I came into this interview for? I know I can do the fricken job, If I did'nt I wouldnt be here in the first damn place. You must think I'm stupid!

Just give me the damn job and let me get the flock out of your office so you can get back to sucking down your bottle of Avian. And don't think that jar of mints on your desk is making your breath any less appealing. You could gag a maggot with that funk. I getting I'll. My nuts are sweating, and you make my ass ache, Oh my gosh...are you freaking done yet?

Do you really think my freaking resume is going to tell you how I spent the day up to my ass in mud trying to plug a high pressure water leak when no one else was willing to get there Florshiems muddy? Do you think it's going to tell you about the 24 hour days I spent putting together report after report so dorks like you can have your precious numbers to make someone else like you look good? When was the last time you had 30 guys crawling up your behind all at once because someone in your office screwed up? I'm the front line supervisor who has to explain your stupidity to keep these guys from walking off the job!

You call yourself a professional....blah! Like you're some kind of doctor, lawyer, or accountant!. You are nothing more than a debit on the balance sheet as far as I am concerned. An unnecessary expense to the cost of goods sold!. Yet here I sit trying to convince you that I can out perform the other candidates, when it's entirely doubtful you could make it as a checker at Walmart. OMG, if I have to sit here looking at your mug for another minute, I swear I'm going to go home and kick my dog. I know it's not his fault! But, I bet it's never your fault either. I'd rather be kicked in the groin than to deal with this right now. Just give me the job already!

Why the hell am I answering these questions? Just what to you mean "what would I do if I had a problem with another employee and how would I handle it?" I'd kick his ass out behind the tool shed... that's what I would do. What do you mean "What would I do If I had to work weekends? I'd want to know if you were going to pay me first! Do you really think I'm sitting here sweating my booty off so I can work here for free? And just what is it with these ridiculous psych tests? As far as I am concerned they don't even make good toilet paper. Are you even qualified to interpret them in the first place? Why not stick them where the sun won't shine and see what I mean?

So here we are. Neither one of us want's to be here, and the entire process is a sham in the first place. We both know you could throw a dart on the wall and do better at choosing the right candidate so why are we here? Really!

So when do I start? Oh you'll get back to me. Is that HR Code for "yeah right!" Oh you think I'm over qualified? I guess that means I'm too old. You don't think I quite suited for this position? I suppose you really know what's best for the company don't you? Ah...that's right, you are a professional, and I'm just some insignificant piece of camel fodder. You have the personality of a cue-tip..I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Oh! now you want me to take a urine test. Like that is'nt infringing on my right to privacy. And you want to check my credit too! If could pay my bills, I sure as heck would'nt be sitting here. I'd be sucking down an umbrella drink on some sunny beach in the Bahamas instead of placating to your delusions of grandeur. Get a life and leave mine alone! Just give me the job!